Like the rest of the population I didn’t know you existed until you became the innocent victim of the Brand, Ross, Mail saga. Unfortunately for you, for me and for your family I now know who you are and that you were silly enough to fall for the dubious charm of Russell Brand.
Clearly this has impacted on your relationship with your grandfather and I hope you can get back to normal soon.
You have clearly stated that you want this all to end. So do we all. Might I suggest that you could hasten an end to the saga by avoiding the risk that your graphic recollections of your night with Russell don’t end up in the pages of our biggest selling tabloid.
The best way to ensure this doesn’t happen is probably by not selling your story to The Sun. When your grandfather was famous things were simpler, today we like to think of ourselves as sophisticated although far too often we confuse that with cynicism.
So when you hire Max Clifford and sign exclusively to The Sun some people may accuse you of wanting to keep yourself in the limelight for as long as possible. Likewise the world weary man on the street might see you protest at how two comedians humiliated you and wonder how that squares with your apparent willingness to discuss your sex life with a journalist.
Your grandfather is clearly very proud of you, and you of him. How sad, those cynics might say, that you have not inherited his dignity.